The deadline for the Ultimate Silly Submission Contest (of DOOM) is TOMORROW. Don't miss out on the fun, and a great prize! If you haven't submitted yet, what are you waiting for?
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Send us a short descriptive story of the most ridiculous submission package you can think of. This can include any or all of the following:
*The envelope you put everything in
* The cover letter
* The summary of the story you would submit
* The SASE
* Possible extras (sandwiches, rose petals, etc.)
The more ridiculous, the better! Here’s an example of what we’re looking for:
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I must get my submission ready! First, I print the amazing story that’s bound to get published immediately. Want to know what it’s about? It features a giant panda, Hu’p’i’x’i, and his trainer, Bob, and their amazing love as they work in a circus. Hu’p’i’x’i feels oppressed by the numerous children that come to the show everyday at noon. Hu’p’i’x’i wants to quit when some devious ghost child steals his bamboo! Through his love, Bob is able to convince Hu’p’i’x’i that he should keep performing, their bond strengthens, and they live happily ever after.
Next step: the cover letter! Here is what I wrote:
Dear HFR Fiction editors,
Please consider The Love of a Good Panda for publication in Hayden’s Ferry Review. I have never read your journal, but I think it would be a good fit! It’s a gripping romance between a giant panda, Hu’p’i’x’i, and his trainer, Bob. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll want to find your own panda! As soon as you read this story, you’ll never want to publish any other writer’s work but mine ever again. Yes, I’m that awesome.
Speaking of my awesomeness, here’s a bio for my inevitable publication in HFR:
Sally Balden lives, writes, and dances on tables in North Dakota. When she’s not busy writing literary masterpieces, she’s busy gluing things to herself or her husband, Xi’w’y’g’k. She is the proud mother of 14 birds, Betty, David, Bob 1, Bob 2, Xi’un’a, Xi’w’y’g’k, Nancy, Mango, Kiwi, Sally, Balden, Bob, and Hu’p’i’x’i (the parakeet that is the inspiration for her giant panda). Wait, that’s only 13. Sigh. She can never remember the last bird’s name. She receives mail in Taiwan.
Please find enclosed my amazing story, The Love of a Good Panda, that you will absolutely die to publish. I look forward to my contract with HFR.
Sincerely,
Kelly Tripe
Next, the SASE! I lovingly stick on three enormous address labels and 13, no 14, bird stamps to make sure the post office will deliver my soon to be award winning manuscript back to me. Finally, I stick the SASE, the story, and the cover letter with honey and put the now delicious paper into another mailing envelope. I stick on a bunch of address labels and stamps, and I slip in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for good measure because who can resist a PB&J sandwich? Then, I whip out my packaging tape and cover the entire envelope with tape. You can never be too careful! I walk down the street, step up to the mailbox, open the blue door, and send my beloved package on its way. Bon voyage, my dear panda.
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There will be one runner up and one Grand Prize winner! Both winners will receive a free one-year subscription to HFR, and the entries will be published on the blog! If you’re the Grand Prize winner, feel free to declare yourself the Silly King or Queen. Construction paper crown is optional, but awesome.
Send your submissions to hfr (at) asu (dot) edu with the subject "Silly Submission Contest." No attachments, please!
Have fun, and be super silly!
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